


Effigy

by Hexadecimalrebooted



Category: Naruto
Genre: Humour, M/M, Shenanigans, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25056490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexadecimalrebooted/pseuds/Hexadecimalrebooted
Summary: Iruka has been avoiding Kakashi for the past few weeks. Armed with tactics guaranteed to get him invited in, Kakashi visits Iruka at home. To his dismay, he discovers exactly what Iruka has been doing when they weren’t together.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 21
Kudos: 203





	Effigy

"Hello, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi said. He gave the man what he felt was objectively his most endearing eye smile.

"Hello, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka smiled in response.

"On your way home?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka had just finished at the academy. There was a fine layer of chalk dust on his right elbow and a few drops of ink on his right hand. He had a messenger bag that was stuffed to bursting hanging from his shoulder. Kakashi could see the pinch of fatigue at the corners of his mouth. Kakashi matched his pace to Iruka's.

Kakashi eyed Iruka, despite the fatigue he looked pleased to see Kakashi. His smile was genuine and he angled himself every so slightly so that he could look at Kakashi more easily.

"How was your day, Iruka-sensei? Did the children do anything death-defying?" Kakashi asked.

Kakashi delighted in the way Iruka brightened. The teacher launched into a wild story. It involved one of his students, some rope and spray paint on the ceiling of his classroom. It was a pretty funny story. Kakashi made sure to laugh at all the right parts. He prompted Iruka to continue when he started to slow down or drift into silence.

Kakashi followed Iruka to his front door. They chatted there for a few more minutes but Iruka looked more and more uncomfortable despite his smile.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Kakashi. I’d love to visit more but I have a lot to do tonight. Can I take a rain check? I’ll treat you to ramen?” Iruka said.

"Ah, yes. Ok. I'll see you later?" Kakashi said as he rubbed at his neck .

Iruka smiled at him and gave a little wave before disappearing behind his apartment door. Kakashi sighed. That was the fourth time in a row. Usually, on their little walks, Iruka would invite him in, feed him and chat with him until late. But in the last three weeks, Kakashi had been met with excuses of work or fatigue (although the fatigue seemed genuine enough. But it had never stopped Iruka before.), or if they did spend time together it was cut short. A quick lunch or dinner, never in Iruka's apartment. It was becoming obvious that Iruka was avoiding him and spending his time with someone other than Kakashi.

Kakashi was an idiot to be jealous. He knew that. There had never been anything explicitly stated between them. They spent time together. Chatted. Drank. Flirted. Definitely flirted but that was it. No kissing. Certainly no sex. They hadn't held hands. They hadn't even managed to go on an official date. Kakashi had been sure they were making their way there. It was slow and awkward but Kakashi reasoned that he was slow and awkward when it came to people and Iruka was nothing if not accommodating. Especially when it came to Kakashi's particular brand of hang-ups. Now, however, Kakashi was staring down repeated brush offs. Well as close to that as Iruka could manage. And the end of a relationship that hadn't even started. It was depressing.

Kakashi knew he wasn't the ideal lover. Gone more than he was ever home. Eccentric and socially awkward at best, paranoid and violent at worst. And more than likely to become one more name on the memorial stone. Another person for Iruka to mourn. Kakashi shouldn't have been surprised but he was. And worse, he was disappointed.

He leapt to the roof and took off towards home.

*

Kakashi was a resilient man. He had survived in the shinobi world for a long time. Through war and strife and more anguish than he liked to think about. He hadn't done all that by giving up. Which was why Kakashi found himself at Iruka's door, a secret weapon in his arms.

The door opened and Iruka's confused expression went from pleased to embarrassed in milliseconds.

"Kakashi. Um hello. What are you doing here?" Iruka said. He had swung the door wide when he had initially opened it but pulled it in close to his side so Kakashi could see very little of the apartment.

“Pakkun wanted to visit,” Kakashi said. He thrust the pug at Iruka, and couldn’t help but feel vindicated when Iruka’s face brightened with delight. So much so in fact that the teacher let the door open slightly. Kakashi confirmed there was no one in the living room as he peered around Iruka.

“Hello, Pakkun,” Iruka said, “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Nice to see you too, Iruka-sensei,” Pakkun said, “Would you take me away from Boss, please? His gloves make my belly itch when he holds me like this.”

Pakkun was a genius of the sneaky variety and Kakashi approved wholeheartedly.

“Oh, Of course!” Iruka held out his hands. Kakashi made sure their fingers slid against each other the way it was described in so many books. Kakashi was a little disappointed when Iruka didn’t blush.

“Sensei, are you alright? I can smell blood,” Pakkun said.

Kakashi tensed.

Iruka laughed. It wasn’t forced or frightened, only embarrassed. “I’m fine. Just the victim of my own carelessness.”

Iruka shifted Pakkun so he could support the pug with one hand. He showed off a hand with fingers covered in plasters that were meant for his students. Some were brightly coloured, others had popular manga characters on them.

“You should be careful, sensei. Some of us worry when you’re hurt.”

Pakkun gave Kakashi a meaningful stare. Kakashi rubbed at the back of his head and tried not to blush.

“Thank you, Pakkun,” Iruka said but he was staring right at Kakashi, a crooked little smile on his face. Kakashi returned the stare, captivated but Iruka’s soft smile and warm brown eyes. They stayed that way, staring at each other with Kakashi on the doorstep until Iruka jolted out of the spell they were under. “Oh um, please come in. I’ll make some tea.”

“Tea sounds delicious, sensei,” Kakashi said. Iruka beamed at him in that way that made Kakashi unable to think right. It was a good thing no one had managed to weaponize Iruka’s smiles. Kakashi would be dead in under a minute.

“ACK!” Iruka squeaked. “Give me just a minute. Umm- to tidy up! Before you come in.”

With that Iruka shoved Pakkun back in his hands and shut the door in Kakashi’s face. Kakashi stared at it bewildered.

“What did you do, Boss?” Pakkun asked.

“No idea.”

Kakashi tried not to pout. ruka had never denied him entry even if his apartment was messy. It was strange. Kakashi tilted his head so he could hear the din from the other side of the door. Iruka didn’t even bother trying to stifle the noise he made as he rushed around. There was thumping, scrambling and muttering that lasted a few minutes. Iruka reappeared, flinging the door open wide, his face pink and a few stray hairs escaping from his ponytail.

“I’m sorry about that,” Iruka said. That soft smile was still in place. Iruka reached for Pakkun with wiggling fingers and a wide grin.

Iruka snuggled Pakkun to his chest as he led Kakashi into the living room. Kakashi followed behind trying not to scowl at his summons. Pakkun had got them invited in after all. Iruka gently placed the little pug on a cushion by the horigotatsu. Kakashi settled at the table across from where Iruka had a pile of paperwork and several tote bags spread out.

Kakashi basked in the sounds of Iruka fussing with tea things in the kitchen. He slumped in his seat to rest an elbow on the table and angle himself just right. It let him watch the lines of Iruka’s body as he walked back into the room. Kakashi ignored Pakkun’s eye roll and huff. Iruka had a nice way of walking. It was a strange thing for Kakashi to notice, but he did. Iruka smiled at Kakashi as he set down a small tray of tea and senbei.

“I should have cleared this off before getting the tea,” Iruka said with an apologetic smile.

“No problem, Sensei,” Kakashi said. Picked up both bags.

“Wait!”

Kakashi froze.

“Oh,” Iruka let out a nervous laugh. “I’ll take that.” He grabbed at one of the bags in Kakashi’s hand and tugged. Unfortunately, the plate on the back of Kakashi’s glove caught the handle and the contents of the bag came tumbling out. There was an assortment of cloth, a clear plastic bag of what looked like cotton stuffing, needles, thread and ribbon. But what caught Kakashi’s eye amidst all the sewing paraphernalia, was a grotesque figure. Kakashi picked it up by a deformed leg. It couldn’t be what he thought it was. Every instinct in Kakashi was screaming that it, in fact, was. A nightmare made material.

“What is that?” Pakkun’s gravelly voice asked. Kakashi had some sort of weird ringing in his ears.

Iruka plucked it from Kakashi’s unresisting grip and dropped it on the table. Iruka buried his face in his hands.

“This is so embarrassing,” Iruka moaned behind his hands.

“It’s definitely something,” Kakashi replied as he lowered his hands down to rest on the table. The shoulder bag Iruka usually used for his paperwork a crumpled lump on the table.

“It’s a doll,” Iruka said the words sounding a little desperate. He picked it up and thrust it at Kakashi’s face for him to examine.

“I can see that,” Kakashi said because nothing else could make its way out of his mouth. It was even more horrifying up close.

Iruka had made a little plush doll of him. And he had done it _badly_. The head was too large in comparison to the body. His right eyebrow was raised which made his right side look surprised. His right eye was a pinkish button which Kakashi might have been able to let slide if it was supposed to be his Sharingan but it was on the wrong side. His hair was some sort of grey mass that looked like it might have come from a mop. His hitate was the wrong shade and the leaf symbol was drawn on in what looked like marker. Kakashi looked from Iruka to the doll. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if there were words that could quite cover whatever the hell situation they were in. He had never read a manga or novel with this sort of thing in it. Love letters, beautiful sketches, poems and secret confession letters, sure. There were tons of romantic stories with that sort of plot device in them. Poorly made dolls, no. Unless it was a horror manga. It looked like it might come alive while he was sleeping and commit murder. Maybe he was in a horror manga. Or a nightmare. Kakashi fought down the urge to flare his chakra or use the Sharingan to check if he was in some bizarre genjutsu.

“Why did you make it?” Kakashi asked.

“Well, Naruto has this doll of you but it’s so beat up,” Iruka said.

He dug around in his bag and pulled out a mangled doll that looked like him it might be him. It had sparse wiry white hair, a leaf hitate and one visible eye that had been drawn on. It was leaking stuffing from a leg that was tearing away from the body. Most offensive of all, it was mostly bald. _Bald_. Kakashi stared. He couldn’t feel anything other than horror. Naruto’s attempt to catch his likeness was tragic and Iruka’s was just as bad.

“Boss,” Pakkun whispered in his ear. “That looks like a cursed doll. It’s even worse than the other one.”

“It’s a wonder I’m not dead yet,” Kakashi replied quietly.

Iruka failed to hear them or even realize they had spoken because he barreled on.

“It was too cute,” Iruka said. And he stroked the creepy thing. Kakashi could feel Pakkun’s shiver of revulsion. “But it’s in such bad shape and I thought I could try to make him a new one for him. But it seems I’m terrible at sewing. It’s so much harder than I thought it would be.”

Kakashi looked at the travesty of stuffing held together by crisscrossing thread and poorly cut material. Kakashi was torn as to which was worse. The beaten and broken one that belonged to Naruto, or the monstrosity Iruka was attempting to replace it with.

The expression on Iruka’s face was both pleading and desperate. This was not exactly the situation Kakashi had expected when he imagined Iruka turning that expression on him. They had been a little closer, a lot more naked and definitely no dolls involved. Shadow clones, yes. Dolls, no. Kakashi could feel panic setting in.

“Tsunade,” Kakashi blurted out. He could not understand how Iruka could be so amazing at so many things but so abysmal at others. “Or Sakura. Or Shizune. They could help you”

“Just because they’re women doesn’t mean they know how to sew.” Iruka frowned at him. Iruka jutted his chin out in a way that Kakashi knew meant a lecture was coming his way.

“They can stitch better than anyone else in the village. I mean how different can sewing be from stitching a wound shut?” Kakashi babbled because he still couldn’t get past the whole doll thing. “Sewing material would be a lot less messy. No patient or need for anaesthetic either.”

“Oh, that’s actually a good point,” Iruka muttered. He looked at the doll and sighed. “It’s terrible, isn’t it?”

Kakashi opened his mouth to answer but found he couldn’t settle on a reply. He shrugged instead. Iruka laughed.

“So bad you can’t even make fun of me for it,” Iruka chuckled. He dropped the doll on the table. "This must seem so weird to you."

"Well…" Kakashi trailed off. He didn't know what to say.

“Thank you for not, well, um, freaking out?” Iruka said it like a question.

“I’m not sure what I am,” Kakashi replied.

“Oh god, you _are_ freaking out!”

Iruka buried his face in his hands.

“A- a little. But it’s not anything a little distance won’t cure,” Kakashi said as he pulled Iruka’s hands from his face. He was flushed a deep pink and it was so adorable that Kakashi momentarily forgot the hideous effigy.

“A bonfire would be a better cure,” Pakkun muttered under his breath. Kakashi flicked him in the ear.

“Distance?” Iruka asked. He tried to tug his hands away. Kakashi kept his grip gentle but he wasn’t prepared to let Iruka go quite yet.

“What I mean is, we should go out for dinner and leave the doll here. Preferably under a barrier jutsu of some kind,” Kakashi said. “You know, for protection.”

Iruka burst out laughing. “It’s a doll. It’s awful but it's just a doll.” Iruka frowned at it. “And I’ve been working so hard on it too. I bought a book on sewing and everything.”

“Is this why you’ve been avoiding me?” Kakashi asked, gesturing with his chin to the mess of material and stitching.

“I wasn’t avoiding you! I was-” Iruka paused and peered at Kakashi. “Are you jealous?”

Kakashi huffed, prepare to defend himself but then Iruka laughed.

“You are jealous.”

Iruka grinned at him. Kakashi took satisfaction in the fact that Iruka was smiling at him and ignored what he said.

“So, dinner? My treat?” Kakashi said.

Iruka smiled and threaded their fingers together.

“Yeah. It’s a date.”

The End

Epilogue

“Senpai, what is that?”

“What’s what?” Kakashi asked as he unrolled his bedroll. They were two days away from Konoha and had decided they were well enough into Fire country territory to take a full night’s rest. Kakashi was grateful at the prospect of sleeping for longer than an hour or two before moving on.

“That,” Tenzo said. He gestured with not small amount of irritation at the small bundle in Kakashi’s arms. Kakashi clutched it lovingly to his chest.

“A doll,” Kakashi said as if it explained everything.

"It looks like Iruka-sensei." Tenzo sounded both disturbed and frightened.

"I think you're imagining things," Kakashi replied.

"It looks like Iruka-sensei,” Tenzo insisted. “Are you planning to sleep with it?"

"It's a doll, Tenzo. Relax," Kakashi said. Tenzo watched him critically for a few minutes while Kakashi settled himself down to sleep.

“If you do anything weird to that doll, I’m telling Iruka-sensei you have it.”

“Maa, Tenzo, you’re no fun.”

“ _Anything_ , senpai.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kakashi muttered. “He doesn’t understand our relationship Iruka-chan.”

Kakashi nuzzled his Iruka doll and ignored Tenzo’s judgemental face. He was good at that. He closed his eyes and forced himself to fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Does Iruka find out about Iruka-chan? Time will tell. XD
> 
> Someone mentioned Naruto's Kakashi doll on the Umino Hours discord server and I just couldn't resist.


End file.
